He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
