He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize