I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
