I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
