im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
