oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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