Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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