Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
