you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
