i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
