Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
