Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
