wanna go halves on a baby?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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