we're blogging at a bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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