am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
