I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
