there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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