a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
