dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
