I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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