i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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