Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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