So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
