You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
