Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
