I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize