I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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