Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize