You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
