Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize