but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
