my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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