im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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