If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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