Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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