I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
