two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
