I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
