I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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