just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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