I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
