I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
