I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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