My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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