I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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