just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize