hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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