so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
