Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
