When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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