I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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