I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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