I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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