My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
