Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Houston, we have a squirter
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
