dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
