I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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