Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
