He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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