it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
