ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize