Say something about gay babies.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
