I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize