You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
