My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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