Betty ford says i'm here all night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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