Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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