so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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