did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
