Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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