I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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