guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
