I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
