She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
