can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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