Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Randomize
