There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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