woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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