Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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