At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
