The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
