Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
