Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
