We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
