The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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