Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
