Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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