I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
