She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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