Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
