Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
