doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sarcasm needs its own font
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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