whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
