Soap is not a condiment
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
