I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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