Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
