This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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