McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
