if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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