Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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