I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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